dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
