I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
