roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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