careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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