i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
