Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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