there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
