I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
