Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i love accidental penises.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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