You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
