thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
