I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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