So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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