My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
