I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
