woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
