Are we in a gay sports bar?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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