Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
