Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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