Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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