dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
