I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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