I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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