butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
