My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
