I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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