Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
