Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
