is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
