he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
