dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
bring money and cleavage
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
