well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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