Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
