I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
