is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
