addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
