dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
