is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
