How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
