Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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