I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
