We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
