That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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