Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
