my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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