she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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