Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
