you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My penis needs a shock collar
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
