my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
