So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
