If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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